Between the up and down hormones, the exhaustion that has begun hitting me mid-afternoon, and the sporadic bouts of nausea, I was feeling at my limit. Despite a relatively calm pregnancy as a vegan mama-to-be, for some reason, this week felt different. Harder. More consuming. Less doing, and more stopping. And I felt stuck.
And then, I went to the journal.
It's a journal filled with letters for our daughter-to-be. My mom lovingly had it made for us, and Matt and I took it with us for our East Coast trip to have our family fill in the pages with words of love and support.
I opened up June's journal. I put a pen down to the paper. And I wrote the following letter to my daughter. And then all of the challenge of the past week melted away. Because I remembered the why in all of this.
Ah, the tiny miracles of pregnancy.
July 21, 2015
My beautiful Juniper,
Today, you are officially 27-weeks old inside of my belly!
The other day, I laid on my back and turned on my sister's music, put the music to my belly, and you started kicking up a storm. It was amazing.
You are changing my life and world in magical ways, my child.
This month in particular, you are teaching me
To be grateful for the quiet moments,
To trust in the unknown,
To cry when I need to or want to,
To realize that strength does not always have to be in how much I produce or acquire,
To take naps,
To connect (with you!),
To relish this time.
Thank you, Junebug.
Thank you for slowing mama down,
For allowing her to pause,
To stop competing
With the fast, fast world,
And just be.
I love you, my baby girl.
I love you without having really seen you yet.
Because to love you is to know you,
Deep inside of this ever-flowing well that is my heart.
Till your next kick!